This is the first of many articles I will write to help you get through the divorce process in the UK. The articles are about my first-hand experience of going through a divorce. None of the content is stuff that’s been copied from other websites or created using AI.
A quick overview of my situation: I’m in my 40s and was married to my wife for about 17 years. We have two teenage kids, own our home (no mortgage…..nice) and have pensions and savings, and neither of us owed any significant money to credit cards, loans etc.
The information below will help you prepare for the UK divorce process.
Divorce Is Not Like On TV
The UK divorce process is very different to what you see on TV shows, where married couples go to court and battle it out. I’m sure this sort of thing might happen in real life if you’re super rich, but for the average bloke, this is very unlikely to happen.
Also worth noting is that US divorce is very different to UK divorce. Much of the terminology used in US TV shows is not a thing in the UK.
Divorce Consists Of Three Parts
Typically, the divorce process in the UK can be broken down into three main components:
The Legal Divorce
This is the easiest part of the divorce, especially with the recent introduction of the new online ‘no blame’ divorce that was introduced in the UK April 2022.
Division of assets
This part of the divorce is sorting out who gets what. As i found out, this part takes a long time and feels extremely unfair.
Child care
The most important part of the divorce is what happens with the kids (if you have them). UK law makes sure the kids come first in any divorce agreements.
Divorce Takes Ages
When you first initiate the new (2022) online divorce process, there is a cooling period of six months before you can get divorced. I guess this gives people who are not fully committed to getting a divorce the opportunity to try and work things out. This can not be speeded up, contrary to what many ‘Quickie Divorce’ websites suggest. In the UK, you MUST wait 6 months at least before you can officially be divorced.
It will take time to sort out the division of assets and childcare arrangements. This can happen while you wait for the online divorce process, but believe me, unless the divorce is very amicable, the division of assets and sorting kids’ arrangements will take bloody ages, especially if solicitors get involved.
My divorce took nearly two years!
All Divorces Are Different
Unfortunately, there is no magical formula that will tell the outcome of your divorce. I have a friend who has recently divorced, and his situation (finances, kids, time married etc) was very similar to mine, but the outcome of his divorce was completely different to mine.
Divorce Is About Negotiation
A lot of divorce is about negotiation and you have to be willing to take some nasty blows. Initially, some of the things my ex-wife demanded from me financially seemed completely unreasonable. But as it turns out, in the world of divorce, her demands were actually fairly standard.
Divorce Solicitors
Unless the divorce is very simple and amicable, I would recommend having a divorce solicitor on hand. This doesn’t mean that you do everything through a solicitor, but use them for advice when required.
If your partner takes on a solicitor and you start receiving letters directly from her solicitor, you will probably need to take on your own solicitor.
Advice From Friends and Family
You will get loads of advice from friends and family about the divorce. Listen to what they have to say, but ultimately, it is up to you what to do. You will be living through the divorce, they won’t. It is very easy for them to say things, but they won’t be the ones who have to live with the consequences.
Divorce Is A Business
I remember when I started researching about divorce, I saw loads of websites saying to treat divorce as a business. I didn’t fully appreciate how important this advice is. As soon as emotions start getting involved with the divorce process, you will cause additional stress and delay. Use reasoned thinking rather than saying and doing things that are emotional reactions.
It’s All About The Future
When you get divorced, it is the future that matters. The past has little bearing on the outcome of the divorce. So, if you were the main breadwinner, you paid the mortgage, paid all the bills etc, it does not mean that you will get more than your partner, who may have financially contributed very little…….in fact, there’s a good chance you will end up getting less!
Even if your partner has been cheating on you for years, it makes no difference to the outcome of the divorce financially or around childcare arrangements.
Divorce Is A Roller Coaster
There are days and then there are bad days. This happens a lot, so be prepared for a lot of ups and downs.
Prepare To Lose
They say there are no winners in divorce and I think that is true in most cases. Most divorces in the UK start at a 50 \ 50 split, so you and your partner will immediately feel like you’re both 50% worse off.
Hopefully, the points above will help you understand what to expect from getting divorced. Unfortunately, it’s not a fun experience getting divorced. The best thing you can do is understand as much as possible about the divorce process, keep a level head and keep pushing forward.
Conclusion: Getting Divorced In The UK
Getting divorced legally in the UK is now very straightforward, thanks to the new (2022) no-fault divorce process. However, dividing assets and agreeing on childcare in my experience is much more difficult.
